I'm smiling on the inside

Harry is my littliest boy. He has dark hair, big eyes and eyebrows to die for. He also imparts great pearls of wisdom, delivered at a precise moment to either create a barrage of laughter or a tortured and embarassed silence. Harry is never afflicted by embarassment, that is usually the sole reserve of his mother.

It seems unfair to let his words dissipate when they can linger longer in cyber-gevity. And anyway, as his mum, I'd like to share some of his little gems.

When Harry was smaller than today, he had a small red bike. Through lack of use it never lost its shine and is currently 'on hire' to a smaller cousin. But I digress. Determined that this little boy would ride a bike while getting fit, I jogged behind him. The birds sang as we rode/ran over the sun puddled pavement. It was a perfect summer's afternoon. A grim look masked Harry's face, his eyebrows knitting in the middle. Jogging behind him, he kept stopping and starting, coughing and spluttering.

'Harry you are doing fantastically well,' I puffed behind him.

Stopping his bike, and turning to me, his little face a picture of thunder, he said 'Mummy, I am fantastically bored.' And with that he dismounted the red stead and started to push it home.

Oh well, I worked out he probably would never wear the yellow shirt in the Tour de France.

A friend, enquiring what school was like, was surprised by his response, 'In a word bull *poo*.'

I was shocked, as it's not the sort of comment you want recorded for prosperity (by a five year old) although it was also probably true. I've never heard him say 'that' word again and when I was bemoaing the horror story to my mother I noted that it wasn't one of my words, but apparently it is one of hers.

A school banker, Harry took his job very seriously. He worked his brow and a smile had no place on his banker's countenance. One day, the supervisor, a young woman, said that Harry's demeanour was scaring off the customers and warned that if he didn't cheer up, a replacement banker would be found. Harry caught her in his steady gaze, saying, 'I'm smiling on the inside...that's what counts'. And the ensuing fuss when the accuser was outed by the other bankers, returned Harry's smile to the right side of his face.

We all have these little gems, which are so easily forgotten and probably mean little to others, but hey, while I'm here...this cyber soapbox has four sturdy sides.

Offspring

I'm not sure how it happens, well, have the biological bits under control but it's the personalities. You burp them the same, you change their nappies the same way (same brand, too, from memory) - they even eat the same things (that might be due to the lack of culinary genius on their mother's part) but they're so different.

So? How come?

Don't ask me, I'm in awe (well, these two I prepared earlier are mine) and flummoxed by the 'chasmic' differences.

• Attitude to homework
  Big - "I'll do my homework soon." He does, but soon is a precarious piece of time which means different things to different people. To Mum, it means just after now. To Big, it might mean finding himself at his desk but it's nearer to midnight than midday.
  Small - "What's homework?"
• Attitude to sport
  Big - Waiting to be subbed on the rugby pitch, focus, angst (he's not on) and complete, unbridled willingness when coach requests he play.
  Small - When asked by his coach if he'd like to go back on the field for the final five minutes, responds "I don't really think so, maybe next week."
• Mummy's bad hair day
  Big - "You look like you stuck your finger in a light socket."
  Small - "Mummy, you always look beautiful." (Said with straight face.)
• Where do babies come from
  Big - "Mummy, can you stick babies in the microwave?"
  Small - "Mummy, you don't need to tell me, I know. It's all about Daddy's sperm."
• School
  Big - Packs his bag and sets off with a spring in his step and his brain in his head.
  Small - "I don't think I'm really suited to school."
• Mummy noting that's she's going for a jog
  Big - "Have a good run!"
  Small - "Mummy, go back to bed and relax, jogging is stressful."
• Flatulence
  Well, do you have to ask? A smell's as good as a laugh.

So, anyway, ain't it grand! Would be boring if we were all the same...I think.