Blegging

When is it ok to beg?

Should you have to beg somebody to marry you? I'd say not in this particular circumstance. Begging here shouts desperation and a ticking biological clock. Love, for that's apparently why we tie the knot, should be offered not extracted.

It's ok for a dog to beg for a bone or a cat to beg for a fish. It's fair to say that I've never seen a cat stoop to such a level. They will capture their want with a level-headed stare and a flick of a claw if necessary, but begging is usually left to their dopey-earred canine 'friends'. A cat's dignity seldom flounders whereas a dog's is often lost in its eternal search for a compatible bottom, upon whichever species the bottom may sit.

Is it ok to ask your partner to stay when you know their heart has strayed an uncapturable distance from your own? You can covert that heart as much as you desire. You can lasso it or harpoon it but it will never stay in your cage. I'd say, in this instance, let the heart go. A little voodoo may be in order but not begging. Buy some pins.

What about when there's only one chocolate left in the box? The little tinfoiled one reaches the height of desirablility when it languishes alone. If there is more than one mouth in its vicinity, then it is OK to beg, especially if one of those near is sticking little pins into a small, ugly doll. Begging should be encouraged in this instance although it shouldn't be necessary as the chocolate should be offered in sympathy. But don't bet on it.

When Funny Face plays on the radio - beg or blast? If begging doesn't work, blast it or hit the radio/cd player/computer with whatever instrument is near at hand that will be able to shut it up. You may not have time to beg, then just bang and blast. Baseball bat or bazooka, your choice.

And it's always OK to bleg your friends for anything... that's what friends are for... and they are inevitably capable of slapping you with a one-eyed wet fish if they feel the need.

Slap!